Currently I'm doing a home Bible Study. The title is Walking with God (Learning discipleship in the Psalms) by Richard D. Phillips. Today I read "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:2 & 3"
Next month it will be two years since I started this health/illness marathon. I am feeling better than I have since it all began. I still tire following a half day of being busy but that's a vast improvement. Yesterday I accompanied Hampton on a routine visit to his cardiologist. As he walked into the room he asked me how I am. I explained that my pancreatic cancer is stable and my right knee has been revised and I can walk, using a cane. (Revision is replacement of an earlier prosthesis) The technician had done vitals and an EKG on Hampton. The cardiologist commented that all his readings are good. He shook Hampton's hand then came to me and said "You get a hug!" He was very pleased with both of us.
We're preparing for Christmas with a brighter outlook than last year. May God grant you peace and happiness during this Advent Season and throughout 2012.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Barbara
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Orthopedist's Words
Today, December 1, 2011, I had an appointment with my orthopedic doctor. As I entered the exam room he said "You're using a cane. A cane." I replied yes I am. He came into the examining room and said "First, Thank you for the recognition letter you sent to the hospital. That was a very nice thing for you to do." I told him I appreciated his efforts in getting me back on my feet AGAIN. "Next, how are you?" I said that I'm doing well. "How much pain do you have?" I replied I have no pain. "You have no pain, right?" I reiterated, I have no pain. "Aren't you tired of therapy?" I answered YES. "I think you should quit going to therapy. I do not recommend you have any more therapy." I said that I have an appointment tomorrow. First he replied "Cancel it." Next he said that I should go to it and tell the therapist that I am done--well cooked. I said I'll cancel future appointments. Dr. said "Good, I won't approve any more. Come back to see me in 4 months."
This is very good news. I stopped at the therapy office to cancel further appointments. My former therapist (who's now director for 2 offices) was there. She'd not been there any time I'd had therapy. She was amazed at how well I'm doing. She said I looked good. She said my color is exceptionally good. She'd seen me when I first started having knee problems. I was "kinda gray" back then.
I am feeling much better. I'm still weak, due to anesthesia and chemotherapy. It takes a LONG time to get each out of your system. I have requested a lot from my body in the last 20 months, since my pancreatic cancer diagnosis, not to mention the 4 months prior to that when I had the back inflammation. I haven't needed chemo for a year - November, 2010 to November, 2011. I can and do eat very well, having lost 70 lbs. during treatment for cancer.
"We might never be awakened to the intelligence of the Creator in His creation unless we also experience
some suffering in this life." James P. Gills, MD
Prayerfully, Mary Barbara Hoge
This is very good news. I stopped at the therapy office to cancel further appointments. My former therapist (who's now director for 2 offices) was there. She'd not been there any time I'd had therapy. She was amazed at how well I'm doing. She said I looked good. She said my color is exceptionally good. She'd seen me when I first started having knee problems. I was "kinda gray" back then.
I am feeling much better. I'm still weak, due to anesthesia and chemotherapy. It takes a LONG time to get each out of your system. I have requested a lot from my body in the last 20 months, since my pancreatic cancer diagnosis, not to mention the 4 months prior to that when I had the back inflammation. I haven't needed chemo for a year - November, 2010 to November, 2011. I can and do eat very well, having lost 70 lbs. during treatment for cancer.
"We might never be awakened to the intelligence of the Creator in His creation unless we also experience
some suffering in this life." James P. Gills, MD
Prayerfully, Mary Barbara Hoge
Friday, November 18, 2011
Recently I've been reading a book by James P. Gills, M.D. The title is "God's Prescription for Healing."
"The prescription for all your healing has already been designed within you by your Creator - contained within a single microscopic cell. By faith you'll come to know His purpose for your life, your suffering, and your healing. The integration processes for healing within the body are your practical proof of the Creator's existence. His love and continuing concern for you are revealed in His amazing design for your healing."
This quote is taken from the cover of the book.
Through my illnesses I've often prayed that my life's purpose be revealed to me so I could get on with doing it! This has been a L O N G 22 months in my life. I'm currently in physical therapy (PT) for my knee revision surgery. Once you've had knee replacement surgery and the prosthesis has to be replaced, it is called knee revision. I contracted a staph infection in my right knee and it had to be cleaned of infection and a cement spacer inserted to "hold the space." 14 weeks I waited to have revision surgery. PT is very tiring as I'm weakened by the 2 surgeries on my right knee and chemotherapy to treat my pancreatic cancer
stage IV. The cancer is termed stable thus I could have my knee treated. I'm now up and about with a walker and/or walking cane. I can do most things, at least for short amounts of time. I get tired quickly and rest often.
Last Sunday at our church it was Senior Adult Sunday. Hampton was asked to speak on caregiving. He has learned a great deal about this subject recently! He's been an outstanding caregiver for me. I would no longer be here if it weren't for Hampton as I've been totally helpless numerous times.
I appreciate all the prayers and acts of kindness friends around the world have offered.
"The prescription for all your healing has already been designed within you by your Creator - contained within a single microscopic cell. By faith you'll come to know His purpose for your life, your suffering, and your healing. The integration processes for healing within the body are your practical proof of the Creator's existence. His love and continuing concern for you are revealed in His amazing design for your healing."
This quote is taken from the cover of the book.
Through my illnesses I've often prayed that my life's purpose be revealed to me so I could get on with doing it! This has been a L O N G 22 months in my life. I'm currently in physical therapy (PT) for my knee revision surgery. Once you've had knee replacement surgery and the prosthesis has to be replaced, it is called knee revision. I contracted a staph infection in my right knee and it had to be cleaned of infection and a cement spacer inserted to "hold the space." 14 weeks I waited to have revision surgery. PT is very tiring as I'm weakened by the 2 surgeries on my right knee and chemotherapy to treat my pancreatic cancer
stage IV. The cancer is termed stable thus I could have my knee treated. I'm now up and about with a walker and/or walking cane. I can do most things, at least for short amounts of time. I get tired quickly and rest often.
Last Sunday at our church it was Senior Adult Sunday. Hampton was asked to speak on caregiving. He has learned a great deal about this subject recently! He's been an outstanding caregiver for me. I would no longer be here if it weren't for Hampton as I've been totally helpless numerous times.
I appreciate all the prayers and acts of kindness friends around the world have offered.
Monday, October 31, 2011
PHYSICAL THERAPY
On August 29, 2011, I had my cement spacer removed from my right knee. It had held the space for my new titanium knee. There was no sign of infection lingering in my knee. My new prosthesis was inserted in my right knee. The surgery went very well. I went home in 4 days. I began home therapy the next day! I had the Physical Therapist who I had following my initial surgery to remove my stainless steel right knee. He's from India and also studied in Australia. He is exceptionally interesting and can talk to distract you while he continues to have you do therapy. He had taught me to get in the backseat of our car without having to bend my knee at all, while I had the cast which encased my leg from thigh to toes. That still was necessary following the surgery. He taught me to go upstairs before I began outpatient therapy. That enabled me to get rid of the hospital bed from our living room. After 3 weeks of home therapy I began outpatient therapy.
I consider physical therapy essential. 9 years ago following my bilateral surgeries (both knees done the same time) I endured 6 months of PT. The first day my therapist asked me my goal. My reply was, "I plan to walk out of here pain free." I fulfilled that goal and was told "I didn't think you could do that!" Now I'm back in that same spot after 8 1/2 years enjoying walking pain free! I began with 3/wk and now am at 2/wk, both with home exercise. It is exhausting but I am not in pain, which is wonderful. I have more bend than I did the first time around, which is amazing since I'm OLDER now.
I feel better than I have in a couple of years. I'm still weak from chemotherapy, multiple surgeries, staph infection, and oodles of medications. Currently I am working on functions. Last week I ironed, baked cookies, had guests for a chili lunch, and ran the vacuum cleaner (1 room/day).
Prayers are really being answered positively.
"Together we have thought about the wisdom endowed to the body by the creator through an intelligent design....You are a recipient of that gift, and your appreciation and respect for your design and the Designer requires that you seek the path to health and wholeness by personally making a commitment to constantly care for your body." p.79
GOD'S PRESCRIPTION FOR HEALING c2004
James P. Gills, M.D.
I consider physical therapy essential. 9 years ago following my bilateral surgeries (both knees done the same time) I endured 6 months of PT. The first day my therapist asked me my goal. My reply was, "I plan to walk out of here pain free." I fulfilled that goal and was told "I didn't think you could do that!" Now I'm back in that same spot after 8 1/2 years enjoying walking pain free! I began with 3/wk and now am at 2/wk, both with home exercise. It is exhausting but I am not in pain, which is wonderful. I have more bend than I did the first time around, which is amazing since I'm OLDER now.
I feel better than I have in a couple of years. I'm still weak from chemotherapy, multiple surgeries, staph infection, and oodles of medications. Currently I am working on functions. Last week I ironed, baked cookies, had guests for a chili lunch, and ran the vacuum cleaner (1 room/day).
Prayers are really being answered positively.
"Together we have thought about the wisdom endowed to the body by the creator through an intelligent design....You are a recipient of that gift, and your appreciation and respect for your design and the Designer requires that you seek the path to health and wholeness by personally making a commitment to constantly care for your body." p.79
GOD'S PRESCRIPTION FOR HEALING c2004
James P. Gills, M.D.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Blogging INTERRUPTED
I have been so busy and tired with Physical Therapy at INOVA/Fair Oaks and home exercises assigned by PT that I haven't be physically able to blog!! Sorry but energy level is S L O W L Y progressing.
During my chemo regimen, I continued to have knee pain, excruciating at times. I was on heavy pain medications which clogged my brain. No medical personnel could figure out what was causing the knee problem. Many, many tests revealed no infection. Finally two doctors came up with a staph infection diagnosis. One said let's open her knee (infectious disease dr) while the orthopedic dr said "No way". It was decided to try STRONG ANTIBIOTICS orally. After a couple months with only slight improvement it was decided that I have IV antibiotics at home. This helped another slight amount. By now I was having leakage below my knee necessitating bandage changing every two hours. Suggestions were made that I use a thicker pad on my bandages. I explained that I go to the bathroom every two hours for my bladder problem anyway so I just change the bandage while I'm up. I wanted to have my bladder tacked long before these other problems arose. I went through tests at Geo Washington Hosp and the tests showed I had no problems with my bladder other than incontinence, for which the dr recommended oral medication. By the time I'd given it a fair trial to no avail, I had too many additional problems to have surgery for it. So it continues today! Chemotherapy continued with the main side effect being drops in blood counts. I had oodles of transfusions. One time it took 9 UNITS to bring it back up to "passable." I was very weak & miserable often with no appetite. My last chemo was in November. I hadn't finished my planned course but the oncologist wanted me to regain enough strength to celebrate Christmas. Meanwhile my knee was being treated and I continued to changed the bandages. In February we along with our kids & grandsons went to Greenbrier Resort In WV for Hampton's 74th birthday. It was a wonderful FUN time for all, including Hampton's brother & sister-inlaw (Gene & Tommy Jean) who worked out a co-insiding trip. FINALLY after months of antibiotic treatments, the orthopedist said "I'm going into your knee, I will not let you suffer any longer." Now we have switched opinions! Infectious disease dr saying "Are you SURE you want to do this?" On May 23 I had my 9 yr old right knee prosthesis removed. A cement spacer was put in to "hold the space" for a prosthesis. The surgery went well and the dr felt he had removed all my infection. That evening as he checked everything, the dr decided it wasn't "perfectly straight" so he would put a cast on my leg. This cast was from my upper thigh to my toes. I was not to bear any weight on my foot. OK use a walker & hop on one foot!! Let's mention TIRED again! Unable to do anything while I was "up" I spent most of my time in bed -- sleeping, reading, or a bit of handwork on a quilt. On June 16 the cast was removed. My knee incision had healed but I still had to HOP and only toe touch. This continued until August 29 when I had a new titanium knee put in my leg! Again the infectious asked the day before surgery "Many people live with the cement spacer, are you SURE you want to open this knee a THIRD time?" Again the orthopedist answered "ABSOLUTELY."
"Trusting an invisible God doesn't come naturally. A trust relationship grows only by stepping out in faith & making the choice to trust. The ability to believe God develops most often through pure experience."
from: Breaking Free
by: Beth Moore
During my chemo regimen, I continued to have knee pain, excruciating at times. I was on heavy pain medications which clogged my brain. No medical personnel could figure out what was causing the knee problem. Many, many tests revealed no infection. Finally two doctors came up with a staph infection diagnosis. One said let's open her knee (infectious disease dr) while the orthopedic dr said "No way". It was decided to try STRONG ANTIBIOTICS orally. After a couple months with only slight improvement it was decided that I have IV antibiotics at home. This helped another slight amount. By now I was having leakage below my knee necessitating bandage changing every two hours. Suggestions were made that I use a thicker pad on my bandages. I explained that I go to the bathroom every two hours for my bladder problem anyway so I just change the bandage while I'm up. I wanted to have my bladder tacked long before these other problems arose. I went through tests at Geo Washington Hosp and the tests showed I had no problems with my bladder other than incontinence, for which the dr recommended oral medication. By the time I'd given it a fair trial to no avail, I had too many additional problems to have surgery for it. So it continues today! Chemotherapy continued with the main side effect being drops in blood counts. I had oodles of transfusions. One time it took 9 UNITS to bring it back up to "passable." I was very weak & miserable often with no appetite. My last chemo was in November. I hadn't finished my planned course but the oncologist wanted me to regain enough strength to celebrate Christmas. Meanwhile my knee was being treated and I continued to changed the bandages. In February we along with our kids & grandsons went to Greenbrier Resort In WV for Hampton's 74th birthday. It was a wonderful FUN time for all, including Hampton's brother & sister-inlaw (Gene & Tommy Jean) who worked out a co-insiding trip. FINALLY after months of antibiotic treatments, the orthopedist said "I'm going into your knee, I will not let you suffer any longer." Now we have switched opinions! Infectious disease dr saying "Are you SURE you want to do this?" On May 23 I had my 9 yr old right knee prosthesis removed. A cement spacer was put in to "hold the space" for a prosthesis. The surgery went well and the dr felt he had removed all my infection. That evening as he checked everything, the dr decided it wasn't "perfectly straight" so he would put a cast on my leg. This cast was from my upper thigh to my toes. I was not to bear any weight on my foot. OK use a walker & hop on one foot!! Let's mention TIRED again! Unable to do anything while I was "up" I spent most of my time in bed -- sleeping, reading, or a bit of handwork on a quilt. On June 16 the cast was removed. My knee incision had healed but I still had to HOP and only toe touch. This continued until August 29 when I had a new titanium knee put in my leg! Again the infectious asked the day before surgery "Many people live with the cement spacer, are you SURE you want to open this knee a THIRD time?" Again the orthopedist answered "ABSOLUTELY."
"Trusting an invisible God doesn't come naturally. A trust relationship grows only by stepping out in faith & making the choice to trust. The ability to believe God develops most often through pure experience."
from: Breaking Free
by: Beth Moore
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Interruption Intervention Inspiration
Some blog readers have asked "How did you make your decision about chemotherapy?"
I spent time specifically asking God for guidance, in prayer, about this major interruption in my life. I prayed for wisdom in making my decision. I had planned for years not to have cancer. I had a hysterectomy at 39 to remove a cyst on an ovary. That cyst turned out to be a grapefruit size tumor. I had suggested/requested a hysterectomy when it was diagnosed. There was no sign of cancer but I felt it would be prudent to have my "female surgery" at the time the cyst was removed. I was avoiding uterine cancer opportunities in the future. My Daddy had told me when I was a little girl not to smoke. He was a smoker but he explained to me that it was a very bad habit and unladylike. This was long before the surgeon general's warning. Both my parents were non-drinkers of alcohol . They explained I shouldn't drink and I haven't; nor have I smoked. I've had regular mammograms, pap smears, and physical exams. I was NOT going to have cancer!
When the oncologist told me, on April 28, 2010, that I had pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, and blood clots in my chest I asked HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I had done all kinds of preventive measures to avoid cancer. The oncologist, the orthopedist, the infectious disease doctor, and my family care physician all agreed that I'd done all the right things to ewaiat having cancer. However, I had Stage IV pancreatic cancer which has a 2% survival rate.
Immediately stated my position of no chemotherapy. The oncologist said that was understandable and the decision was mine to make. He said he isn't God and from a medical standpoint the chances of curing my cancer are slim. Hampton from a spiritual standpoint all things are possible. I didn't have to make a decision that day. That's when he talked to my family as I told in an earlier blog.
I concluded that God was telling me to give chemotherapy a try!
Jesus said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God, because all things are possible with God"
Mark 10:21
I spent time specifically asking God for guidance, in prayer, about this major interruption in my life. I prayed for wisdom in making my decision. I had planned for years not to have cancer. I had a hysterectomy at 39 to remove a cyst on an ovary. That cyst turned out to be a grapefruit size tumor. I had suggested/requested a hysterectomy when it was diagnosed. There was no sign of cancer but I felt it would be prudent to have my "female surgery" at the time the cyst was removed. I was avoiding uterine cancer opportunities in the future. My Daddy had told me when I was a little girl not to smoke. He was a smoker but he explained to me that it was a very bad habit and unladylike. This was long before the surgeon general's warning. Both my parents were non-drinkers of alcohol . They explained I shouldn't drink and I haven't; nor have I smoked. I've had regular mammograms, pap smears, and physical exams. I was NOT going to have cancer!
When the oncologist told me, on April 28, 2010, that I had pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, and blood clots in my chest I asked HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I had done all kinds of preventive measures to avoid cancer. The oncologist, the orthopedist, the infectious disease doctor, and my family care physician all agreed that I'd done all the right things to ewaiat having cancer. However, I had Stage IV pancreatic cancer which has a 2% survival rate.
Immediately stated my position of no chemotherapy. The oncologist said that was understandable and the decision was mine to make. He said he isn't God and from a medical standpoint the chances of curing my cancer are slim. Hampton from a spiritual standpoint all things are possible. I didn't have to make a decision that day. That's when he talked to my family as I told in an earlier blog.
I concluded that God was telling me to give chemotherapy a try!
Jesus said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God, because all things are possible with God"
Mark 10:21
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Interruption Intervention Inspiration
Being tired and weak I still wanted to go to my home. I was dismissed from Fair Oaks Hospital. Hospitals aren't places of rest. My first general practitioner after I got married said, "You must go home from a hospital after you've been treated to rest and recuperate." I've carried this knowledge for 46 years and it is just as valid today as it was when he said it!
Memorial Day came soon after I got out of the hospital. Cousins David Shaver & his wife Nancy came to visit while visiting in the DC area. I talked to them as well as other friends about needing to make a decision about chemotherapy.
In early June, 2010, I went to the oncologist for an office visit. There he laid out a plan of attack. I would have a chemo IV treatment each week for 3 weeks then an office visit with the oncologist. Prior to the IV treatment my blood would be tested to ascertain exact measurements of the chemicals to be administered to me right there in the doctor;s office. He wanted to give me the strongest treatment that he felt I could tolerate. The first of the three treatments would last about 3 hours while the others would each be about one hour. The office visit would entail blood work and repports of how things were going with my body.
Finally I consented to this regimented treatment plan and it began in mid June 2010. The first treatment wasn't too bad. I had taken anti-nausea pills and I felt no nausea. That day I felt OK and throughout the week, I continued not feeling sick. Chemotherapy wasn't so bad afterall. I had the second IV treatment. Again I took the anti-nausea medication and didn't feel sick immediately following the treatment. That evening I didn't feel good and I didn't want to eat. Pretzels were about the only food that set well in my stomach. Things continued about the same through the third treatment.
Following IV treatment #3 I needed medication to help my blood cells regenerate. I got a shot following the treatment and returned the next 2 days for a shot each day. This helped rebuild my blood but after a few more treatments my blood was so low I had to have transfusions. Having A negative blood, it is hard to find a supply. One time my blood was so low I required 9 units of blood. The technicians and nurses would administer the transfusion, test to see how the blood was building up, then determine if I needed more blood.
I was in the hospital 3 days for this lengthy procedure.
A person generally has 14 to 18 pints of blood. YES, I had half my blood replaced! God provided many blood banks for gathering the needed blood. The interruption in my life was growing.
I'd like to close with a quote from Breaking Free by Beth Moore:
"I'm freed to know that my God is huge. and my God is able. So I know if I don't get what I asked from Him, if I cooperate, I'll get something bigger. I'll know that a greater yes is in progress."
Memorial Day came soon after I got out of the hospital. Cousins David Shaver & his wife Nancy came to visit while visiting in the DC area. I talked to them as well as other friends about needing to make a decision about chemotherapy.
In early June, 2010, I went to the oncologist for an office visit. There he laid out a plan of attack. I would have a chemo IV treatment each week for 3 weeks then an office visit with the oncologist. Prior to the IV treatment my blood would be tested to ascertain exact measurements of the chemicals to be administered to me right there in the doctor;s office. He wanted to give me the strongest treatment that he felt I could tolerate. The first of the three treatments would last about 3 hours while the others would each be about one hour. The office visit would entail blood work and repports of how things were going with my body.
Finally I consented to this regimented treatment plan and it began in mid June 2010. The first treatment wasn't too bad. I had taken anti-nausea pills and I felt no nausea. That day I felt OK and throughout the week, I continued not feeling sick. Chemotherapy wasn't so bad afterall. I had the second IV treatment. Again I took the anti-nausea medication and didn't feel sick immediately following the treatment. That evening I didn't feel good and I didn't want to eat. Pretzels were about the only food that set well in my stomach. Things continued about the same through the third treatment.
Following IV treatment #3 I needed medication to help my blood cells regenerate. I got a shot following the treatment and returned the next 2 days for a shot each day. This helped rebuild my blood but after a few more treatments my blood was so low I had to have transfusions. Having A negative blood, it is hard to find a supply. One time my blood was so low I required 9 units of blood. The technicians and nurses would administer the transfusion, test to see how the blood was building up, then determine if I needed more blood.
I was in the hospital 3 days for this lengthy procedure.
A person generally has 14 to 18 pints of blood. YES, I had half my blood replaced! God provided many blood banks for gathering the needed blood. The interruption in my life was growing.
I'd like to close with a quote from Breaking Free by Beth Moore:
"I'm freed to know that my God is huge. and my God is able. So I know if I don't get what I asked from Him, if I cooperate, I'll get something bigger. I'll know that a greater yes is in progress."
Friday, September 23, 2011
Cancer diagnosis
I've been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Will I see this as an interruption in my interesting, busy Christian life? Is there a possibility this is a divine intervention? Will I get some inspiration to accomplish something for God before I die?
For years I have reconciled that I would not go through chemotherapy. Too many people suffer through months, even years, of chemotherapy only to die a miserable death. I determined long ago that it wasn't in my life's plan. No way would I put my family through the ordeal of watching me be unable to eat, in constant pain, then medication that puts you out of your misery but gives you a totally don't care attitude! Just who wants an interruption like that? Not this lady, for sure.
Into my hospital room came a medical team--an oncologist, an infectious disease doctor, a hospitalist, a patient advocate, a social worker, my husband Hampton, our son David, and our daughter Sarah. I had encouraged our daughter Jennifer not to travel until we knew more about what was happening. WOW, what were all these people going to tell me?
I had undergone a miriad of tests to determine what was the matter with me. I felt terrible and was exhausted from days of testing. "You have blood clots in your chest, liver lesions, and pancreatic cancer. The survival rate for pancreatic cancer is 2%.
Immediately I began explaining I had no plans for chemotherapy. I stated that I'd given this situation lots of prayer, thought, and discussion. I was not going to undergo chemotherapy. What don't you understand? The oncologist asked to speak to my family outside my room. He told them that he felt I had a good chance of surviving and that I should take the chance. 2% survival rate; good chance, right?
My family came back into my room and said they thought I should reconsider chemotherapy. Obviously they weren't in favor of my speedy demise. How could I be assured I'd quickly die they asked. What if I just began lying around sick. I agreed to pray and reconsider.
The next morning in came the oncologist. Had I rethought my decision? I replied I'd thought and prayed but had not made a decision. I agreed to continue pondering my situation.
For years I have reconciled that I would not go through chemotherapy. Too many people suffer through months, even years, of chemotherapy only to die a miserable death. I determined long ago that it wasn't in my life's plan. No way would I put my family through the ordeal of watching me be unable to eat, in constant pain, then medication that puts you out of your misery but gives you a totally don't care attitude! Just who wants an interruption like that? Not this lady, for sure.
Into my hospital room came a medical team--an oncologist, an infectious disease doctor, a hospitalist, a patient advocate, a social worker, my husband Hampton, our son David, and our daughter Sarah. I had encouraged our daughter Jennifer not to travel until we knew more about what was happening. WOW, what were all these people going to tell me?
I had undergone a miriad of tests to determine what was the matter with me. I felt terrible and was exhausted from days of testing. "You have blood clots in your chest, liver lesions, and pancreatic cancer. The survival rate for pancreatic cancer is 2%.
Immediately I began explaining I had no plans for chemotherapy. I stated that I'd given this situation lots of prayer, thought, and discussion. I was not going to undergo chemotherapy. What don't you understand? The oncologist asked to speak to my family outside my room. He told them that he felt I had a good chance of surviving and that I should take the chance. 2% survival rate; good chance, right?
My family came back into my room and said they thought I should reconsider chemotherapy. Obviously they weren't in favor of my speedy demise. How could I be assured I'd quickly die they asked. What if I just began lying around sick. I agreed to pray and reconsider.
The next morning in came the oncologist. Had I rethought my decision? I replied I'd thought and prayed but had not made a decision. I agreed to continue pondering my situation.
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